By: Victoria Lopatka, Editor-in-Chief

1. Let them rot in your room to distract you from your lack of decoration

You moved into your dorm in September, but it looks exactly what it was on move-in day: scuffed white walls, beige desk, stained mirror. Don’t pretend you don’t see the awkward look guests are giving your room, like, “Haven’t you … live here? Like… all the time? Now they’ll have something else to look at than your room’s lack of personality – the spongy, moldy pumpkin sitting in the corner! Better yet, they’ll probably start inviting you to their home.

2. Provide them to your local raccoons to use as boats during the rainy season

Raccoons can be adorable and crafty – or accomplices and thieves, depending on who you ask – but they’re not waterproof. Provide your local raccoons with your leftover pumpkins to use as boats for the torrential rainy season on campus. This peace offering will get you plenty of cute photo ops that you can post to SFU’s Facebook groups for some precious internet weight – I mean, come on, a wet raccoon in a pumpkin boat? Adorable.

3. Freeze them for next year

Next Halloween is literally a year away, why would you waste money buying a brand new pumpkin when you can just save your current one? If it’s carved, you can just flip it over and carve the other side next year. In about 39,940 Halloweens, you’ll have saved enough to put a down payment on a house in Vancouver.

4. Wear one on your head as a disguise to avoid your responsibilities

Is it you walking around campus when you have a piece of paper due at 11:59 pm tonight? Or you, at The Study, when your rent is due next week? Are you actively on your phone while ignoring your friends’ messages? Who knows! If no one can recognize you under your giant pumpkin mask, then you don’t have to be responsible.

5. Crush them screaming like a cathartic and artistic protest

You have plenty to get excited about: Tuition fees are going up, you can’t get the classes you want, and you’ll be in deep debt upon graduation. Slide those old pumpkins into a parking lot or bus loop and scream as you smash these baddies into a thousand pieces. Cry loudly. Be arrogant. Rub the pumpkin flesh on your body. Other students will be admire your commitment to self-expression and freedom – and maybe participate in it.

6. Give the carvings to your mom to display on the fridge

Your mom loves everything you do, no matter how poor you are. If you bring her your carved pumpkin, she will find a way to put it on the refrigerator and show it to all relatives, friends, colleagues, even the repairman who comes to check your furnace. Your father, on the other hand, didn’t even notice that you had moved.

7. Give them to your high school science teacher for fun experiences where students don’t get it but are still entertained

Did anyone else have a cool high school science teacher who would set up some fun experiments for the students, trying to demonstrate some concept? Usually involving a colorful fire, or potatoes and pennies, or dropping something from the school roof? You probably don’t remember the concept, but you certainly remember the green light or something. Well, we have to give back to our science teachers – gift them your pumpkins to crush or shock in the name of science.

8. Reuse them as cooking pots

Le Creuset and Cuisinart might be a bit out of your budget, but you know what else is spacious and bowl-shaped? Pumpkins! Will everything you cook taste like pumpkin? Yes. Are you likely to ingest mold and get sick? Also, yes. Do you care more? Probably not. Are you OK? Also, probably not. Do you want to talk about it?

9. Make pumpkin spice lattes and distribute them outside Starbucks to assert coffee dominance

Starbucks thinks they’re the only ones who can make a great pumpkin drink – prove them wrong today. All you will need is a coffee maker, coffee, milk, stove, milk frother, sugar, spices, food processor, whipping cream, mug, saucepan, plenty of time and patience … oh, and your pumpkin! Easy peasy.

10. Create a pumpkin catapult to defend the mountain from enemies

The mountain must be defended against several enemies: UBC students, your bossy parents questioning your lifestyle choices, and aggressive hackers. Load the catapult with old pumpkins! Storm the bus loop! Tighten the constraints! Lighten the payload! Feueeeeee!

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